Two years of Jack

by ericakingston

Jack,

Two years ago right now I was waiting to hear if we should go home or be admitted into the hospital to have you. I had wild  ideas of bonding and feeding and taking you home to the beautiful room I made for you and my life not being interrupted too terribly much from what it was.

But, baby, you’re a game changer.

You have been my biggest challenge. And my fondest challenge. And I’ve never worked so hard and so earnestly and with so much determination (and the least complaint) as I have being your mama.

At two, you are 32-33 pounds of cheeks and belly. Your belly, man. It’s quite the site. When you run it is always two feet ahead of you 🙂 You’ve got these wide, usually sticky and dirty, little hands and your legs are still these chubby little boy legs. The dimples your daddy gave you are showing up more and more and when you are feeling really feisty, your nose crinkles all up into your forehead with this mischievous smile.

You can run alarmingly fast for how short your legs are right now. And I chase you around the island for 80% of diaper changes. You love Mickey Mouse Club House and Mimi and Bebe, your stuffed Mickey Mouse and little beaver grandma Shelly gave you. You love trucks most of all and love to crash them together and zoom them around the room with dad. Outside, you push your trike all around because your feet don’t reach the petals (and you don’t quite understand peddling.)

You are feisty. With determination and quite the strong will. You say “no” about 10 times more than I’d care to hear and you’re possessive of your toys from your brother (but pretty good with sharing with other kids.) You get spankings for blatantly ignoring my commands and for tipping your brother over. Both of which you know are not ok.

All of your molars are finally in, so you have been a lot more cheery. For a few weeks you were  hell  on  wheels. And I thought I was going to eat you. Thankfully you snapped out of that.

You say “mama, dada, baby” about 50 times a day and it seems like you really have a sense of family.

I could go on and on about your “stats” right now. About how you are this advanced here and lacking there and every other comparison. But now I just want to take time to remember who you are to me right now.

When I had you, I couldn’t imagine the impact you would have on me. As your parent, your dad and I are responsible for you. We are responsible for who you become and your kindness towards others and your work ethic and your love and fear of God. You hear all the time the impact parents leave on children. But no one talks about the footprint children have on their parents.

In two short years, you have humbled me. I am nothing by myself. I control very little apart from my own self. Things do not go the way I plan them. And all of that is perfectly ok.

You have taught me grace. Grace for myself and grace for those around me. And a deep, deep appreciation for the grace God gives me daily. I will not get it right the first time, most of the time. And I snap quicker than I should. And I have been known to discipline out of anger. But grace – sweet, unearned grace – gives me a second chance to make things right.

Because of you, I have calloused knees and sit on the floor more than I sit on any chair in the house. I appreciate a good night’s sleep. I am ok with messy counters and dirty floors.

Because of you, I love your daddy even more.

Because of you, I see God’s wonderful and perfect plan being laid out. I know that this, right here in this place, with you and your dad and your brother, is where I am meant to be and is who I am meant to be. I have never been more sure of anything.

Two years ago you made me a mother. You will always and forever be my baby boy who flipped and turned and twirled my world into something I never ever knew it could be. And I will always be in debt to you for the pure love and adoration you shine on me that I do not deserve.

You are the reason I get up in the mornings.

Literally.

You wake me up at 6:30.

But you are the reason I can wake up cheerful and with purpose.

You and your brother and your dad are my joy. And I am glad to serve you. And grow and change and learn with you all.

I love you so much, little boy. The happiest of second birthdays to you.

Love,
Your mama

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